Broken.

I write this, lying awake, without sleep or food, and too afraid to leave my own room. where this fear comes from is irrational, and I cannot place the exact origin... all I know is that whatever is OUT THERE... whatever it is... want's me dead.

It sounds strange, wierd, and utterly insane... but that is how I feel... I can look at that door a thousand times and not know what is on the other side, even though every time Ido I see hallway, carpet... the normal. Nothing sinister.. nothing evil.... just hallway.

I have been thinking alot about the barriers that are imposed on us, either physical, emotional or mental, be they self imposed or made by others.... the wallls that may keep you from happiness or damn you to hell.

We construct barriers out of some form of malignent reoccurencce of our ancestory, when a wall or a door ment protection from that which could end whatever meager existence you had. We now use it as a form of protection, not against predators, but against ourselves. We all rot inside from internal insecurities and angers, and envision ourself as a fugitive in a world of lawmen, each trying to "bring us justice". To this end, we all engineer social situations and relationships to reflect this paranoia of "capture". the best argument is that it's just human nature. That statemnt is only partially true though.

From a young age, we all are placed in a society where social backstabbing takes place more then anything else, and beeing open about something could potentially put you at risk for retalliation... This causes a tention that is only retributible by either violence or mental implosion. the mass group of us take the violent outlook, releasing that tension and frustration into anger and physical violence.

The bigger problem is that thesee tense feelings will be replicated on to undeserving people... or objects. For example, the door. On it's own, it isn't evil. but in my mind, it is a "wall" of sorts, and by it opening a node of my defence has been comprimised... what ever is out there, beyond my line of sight, can get in, be it demon or friend.

but then again, I digress... too much thought for one night...

Signing off...

         -The Dark Knight