I have discovered the most hardest words in the english language to say. They go as follows:

 

I love you.

 

It's interesting listening to these words being spoken, and the stream of emotions that run through one's head when they are. The participant may feel everything from anger and rage, to happines, acceptance, and even love. It is the only combination of words we speak that is taken advantage of in the daily speach regiment. It's those words that tie all of us togethor into one big tangled net of confusion that we call life. Be love a primitive instinct, or some made up thought from years of evolution, it exists. I know. I feel it's pull, it's irrisistable tug.

 

As a human there is a certain part of me that wants to be close to someone, but as a human I also have somewhat of a insight into the very people I am surrounded by. It's this tug of war of feelings that leaves me confused, hopeless, and oddly, wanting more. I went six years without touching another person. SIX YEARS! That is how much people scared me. I never thought I could be intimate, because I knew the same thoughts that I was having were the thoughts that ran through others minds. These are things I never speak of, of rage, hatred, and the most fearful of them all, suicide.

 

I had a barier as strong as any given wall built up in my mind. I would not let people close to me, much less touch me, lest they use that to kill me. A illogical thought as I see it now, but highly needed as of the time. I started to see all humanity as some godawful disease, a plauge on this world. Hell, I still see the large majority of people like that, with the exception of a select few, those who I would trust, if not with my life, but with my body and soul. These are my friends, the select few I wish to call that, and I would not be able to live without them.

 

One of the lessons I've taken over the last few days is that I have more impact on people than I realise. My very impulses and desires are not only native to me, but to others as well, even those I love and cherish. It makes me sick to know that they feel the same anger, sickness, and rage at the hordes of idiots out there, and to know that I piss them off to no end, even if they won't admit it to my face or feel that I would not be able to handle it, even if they did. I have these feelings, as well as love and happiness. It is not a illusion of a dillusional mind, at least I hope not, for that means there's more messed up people out there than me. And that's just sick.

 

I hate to sound down, but I have come to realize the importantce of living one's life to the fullest. There is nothing to live for if you live in a box, for that box becomes your very own pit of hell. Living life to the fullest does not mean that one has to jump off clifs and race fast cars. Living life means one must stop to smell the roses, even though they may be thorns to others, experiencing everything that life has to offer, whether it be in poverty or richness, sickness or health, life or death. Value things like pain and suffering, because they show you that you ARE ALIVE! Don't let anyone ever take that feeling away from you. Never.

 

Believe me, if I can enjoy life, you can... and by the way, the water's boiling...

 

-The Iron Weasle, Sqtyrrlsy of Margaritaville

 

"I hate to get you down... Hey look! Feet!"

-Jhonny